So I came up with this perfect plan to help Noah forgive me. I wrote this really long letter to him, folded it up this new way that Claire showed me, and waited for him in the hallway. He has to pass my locker after first period to get to his second class (I’m not a stalker! Promise!) so I could pass him the note without being too suspicious. The bell rang, I raced to my locker, and there he was. I called his name and held the note out. He was talking to Landon so I called his name again. Landon elbowed Noah and pointed to me. Noah looked right at me. I held the note out again, but he just kept walking. Landon started cackling. I swear he has the loudest laugh of anyone. Of course Molly had to be right there. She smirked when she went past and called me pathetic. SOOOOO embarrassing! I want to crawl under a rock and stay there until we graduate.
I was hoping all this junk with Noah would blow over quickly. I mean I learned my lesson on forgiveness, he should too, right? Well, apparently he didn’t because he’s completely ignoring me. I say hi to him in the hallway and he just keeps walking. I guess it’s better to be ignored than to be bullied or something, but I pretty much hate it. Oh, I deserve it. I treated him pretty horribly, but I still don’t like it. Have you ever felt completely invisible? I think this is what it would feel like. It’s like I don’t even exist. I almost wish we could go back to the relationship we used to have – he would pick on me and I would pick back. Sometimes that wasn’t fun either, BUT at least I was getting noticed. Claire doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. She says I need to get over it and move on. Maybe I would listen to her if I didn’t have to listen to her hours of stories about cheerleading and Caleb. Yuck! I’m trying to think of ideas of how I can show Noah that I’m truly sorry and that I’m deserving of his forgiveness, but I’m drawing a complete blank. Maybe I should just wait and see if time will heal this wound.
So things with Claire have gotten weird. Ever since she’s been back from Europe, all she wants to do is talk about hair, make-up, and clothes. She’s always been way more fashion conscious than me, but this is at a whole new level. I have barely been able to get a word in. AND she’s decided she wants to try out for cheerleading!!! What?! It’s not the cheerleading I have a problem with. I just can’t believe she voluntarily wants to spend all her after school time with Molly. Yesterday, she told me that I needed to come over so I could tell her if the cheers she made up were stupid. I’ve tried to talk to her about Noah, but she cuts me off to tell me about some “faaabulous” lip gloss she’s found. All summer I couldn’t wait for her to come back and now I wish she would go back to Europe and bring back my best friend!
Since Claire’s been gone and Noah’s not speaking to me, there hasn’t been anything to report, but now Claire is back!! I’m so excited! We’re going to hang out this afternoon and I can’t wait to hear about all things Europe! I hope she brings some pictures too. Okay, so maybe pictures might be a bit early, but she could bring her camera so I can see them on that. After she tells me about all of her adventures, then I can tell her about what happened at camp. It will be SO good to hear her opinion and hear her say that I’m not a terrible person! I know that’s what she’ll say. This summer has just gotten so much better!!
Let’s just say that camp was the most horrible experience ever! It was awful! No joke. Between the heat, the bugs, and the frenemies… I don’t even want to talk about it. If you want to read about it, check out my book Revenge At Camp Tepeki.
I’m so glad to be home and I can’t wait for Claire to come back from Europe!! I miss her so much!
Well, I’m packed up and on my way to camp. Since the camp is fairly far away, we drove half way tonight and we’ll get there tomorrow. Can’t wait. Can you hear my sarcasm? This is my last night in air-conditioning for two whole weeks. Fantastic. Even better, it’s the last time I’ll be sleeping in a real bed for two whole weeks. But I do have an interesting story to tell you about our trip here.
So we’re driving along and we see this car on the side of the road. It’s the same kind of car that my grandma drives and also has the same bumper sticker on the back: Proud Grandma. Then we see this curly gray head sticking out from under the car. It was totally my grandma! We didn’t even know she was going on a trip! My dad quickly pulled over so we could help her. She’d hit a chunk of tire and it totally ripped up her car. Good thing we came along! We ended up taking Grandma to a wrecking company. She didn’t want us to stay with her. She was going to get a room close to a mechanic and start off again as soon as possible. Apparently, she and one of her high school classmates had reconnected and they were meeting up. Dad thought her car would be okay, but wanted her to get it checked out. It was fun to see her. The only good part of this stupid trip. Well, not good for her. I wish I could have gone with her. Even hanging out with two older ladies would have been more fun than this camp.
So school is officially done for the summer. Thank goodness!!! I’m done studying for three whole months. No more math. No more story problems. Claire’s all bummed because she’s going to Italy for the summer and she won’t get to talk to Caleb. Upset about ITALY!! She’s crazy! Anyway… She invited me to go with her, but my parents said no. Apparently that would be imposing too much on Claire’s parents. Of course they conveniently forgot that it was Claire’s parents who suggested I go along. I’ve begged and begged, but they’re not budging and now it’s too late to get a passport. Now they’ve decided to send me to this two week camp. I looked at the brochure and it looks super boring. I can’t believe they thought two weeks in Pennsylvania would be better for me than a summer in Italy. Parents can be so unfair sometimes. Mom and Dad told me that someday, when I have my own kids, I’ll understand, but I don’t think so. Most of the time my parents are pretty cool, but this time… I might have to accept their final decision, but I don’t have to like it.
So after all my nagging, Claire has seen how cool Caleb is. I was so excited that they were hanging out, but now, I barely get to talk to Claire. At lunch, they really only talk to each other. At recess, they only talk to each other. She talks to him on the phone sometimes at night instead of calling me. I thought they would be so cute and now I wish I had never brought the idea up. I want my best friend back!!
In Sunday school we’ve been talking about the difference between conviction and condemnation. Did you know there was a difference? I didn’t. I thought they were the same thing. For those of you like me, conviction is God’s gentle voice telling you He loves you, but you need to change. Condemnation is a harsh, unforgiving voice that tells you you’ll never get better or reminds you of what an awful person you are. At the risk of sounding crazy, I hear those awful voices in my head all the time. Like, you’ll never be as pretty as Molly or Claire. Sarah can paint this really cool sunset and all you can draw is a stick figure. Noah aced his math test and I barely passed. I’m such a failure. Do you ever hear those voices? Well, that’s condemnation. One of the many things Jesus died for was to save us from condemnation. Can you imagine what a day would be like without all those awful thoughts running through your head. It would be pretty quiet in my head. I think this Easter that’s what I’m going to work on. I’m going to remind myself how awesome God thinks I am and that Jesus died for ME. If he didn’t think I was pretty cool, he wouldn’t have done that.
What are some condemning thoughts you have? Come on, I can’t be the only one that has them!
I’m so mad! Our first performance of Romeo and Juliet is today and I’m sick – fever, achy, coughing, runny nose. Why can’t I get sick on a day I don’t want to go to school? At dress rehearsal yesterday, I totally screwed up one of the set changes and Noah told me I should never have signed up for the crew. I stuck my tongue out at him. Of course he forgot to give Claire her brush in the first act and forgot a chair in the second act, but he failed to mention that! I am glad he missed the part where I tripped over something in the dark and made a huge racket. That would have just added to his list of reasons why I shouldn’t be on set. So anyway, I needed to be at school today so I could redeem myself. There’s another performance tomorrow, but mom doesn’t think I’ll be well enough to go to school. I’m going to miss the whole thing. AND I’m going to miss Claire finally realizing how awesome Caleb is. I was so sure she would finally see it at the performances and then I would get to say I told you so. Stupid cold.